You know what’s hard? Being lonely during the holidays, even when you’re surrounded by friends and family. Unless you’ve experienced the sensation, it’s difficult to imagine. You might feel lonely because you just don’t have the connections you want with the people around you, or it could come from a feeling of not being “good enough.” Maybe you don’t feel like you’re fun enough, a good enough friend, or you might be struggling as an introvert in an extrovert setting.

Whatever the reason, loneliness when you’re surrounded by people is painful, especially during the holidays.

It’s also easy to feel this way when you’re separated from someone you love like a spouse, children, siblings, significant other or best friend. In times like this, every jingle, every Christmas carol, every Ho-Ho-Ho reminds you that a large piece of your heart is missing.

I’ve been there. Boy have I.

In fact, these past few Christmases, I’ve avoided the commercial aspect of the holiday like the plague because the most important person in my life can’t be here to celebrate with me. People tell me to just get past it and put up those decorations or somehow get in the spirit. But what they don’t understand is those decorations hurt. The songs made me want to cry. The social gatherings are an intense reminder of who I’m missing.

But you know what?

There is someone who knows with certainty what we're feeling, whether it's a feeling of unworthiness or a longing to be near those we love, and He’s just waiting to share the season with us. After all, He’s the reason for it.

Now before you dismiss this post and think I’m going to tell you why you should be happy even when you’re not, let me assure you I would never do that. I take your loneliness way too seriously.

But what I am offering is a new way to think about it. I, like many of you, will go through the holidays this year without the most important person in my life. And let’s be real, no matter how much we focus on Jesus and the glory of Christmas Day, the separation from someone we love or the lack of a connection in a roomful of people still hurts. Horribly so.

As humans, we require heart connections, need someone to listen to us when we want to talk, long to know that we’re loved and missed, even in our brokenness. When someone asks us how we are, we want them to mean it—to know that our answer matters to them.  I know I do.

So, what can we do to get past the loneliness of the next few days? As with everything else in life, let’s look to His Word.

Let’s Put it in Context

Not being with someone you love during the holidays is awful, and in order to make myself feel better this year, I’ve decided to look at it another way. Matthew (27:46) tells us that Jesus cried out in His loneliness on the cross, “My God, My God why have You forsaken Me?” Jesus knew that the Father was the only one He could rely on, but at that moment, He felt some very real emotions and they probably amounted to what we know as loneliness. Only way more intense than you or I will ever feel.

That’s not to take away from how you feel—your pain is very real. But it does let us know that our Savior understands exactly how we feel. And if He understands it, He can provide us with the comfort we need.

Let’s Learn from It

The only way to get past hurts and disappointments is to learn from them, but try telling that to anyone in the midst of their pain. Sometimes, the pain is so real, so overwhelming that it’s all we can do to put on an acceptable face and “get through it.” But is that really what God has in mind for us, even in the midst of our loneliness?

I don’t think so.

Hebrews 13:5 tells us that God will never leave us or forsake us. And James 4:8 tells us that if we draw near to God, He will draw near to us. So the first step in the process is to go to the One who can give us the comfort we need. Talk to Him and tell Him how you feel—how you long to be understood and loved, and how every bit of you aches for your missing loved one. Put aside a little quiet time where it’s just you and Him and pour out your heart to Him. Tell him everything and let his deep love for you wash away the layers of loneliness.

And then, once you’re refreshed, change how you approach the holidays.

Start by being vulnerable to the trustworthy people around you. It’s easy to be closed off when you’re lonely or feeling unworthy, but that will only perpetuate the feeling. That doesn’t mean you should spill out your heart to everyone nearby, but be real and honest with the people you trust. Remember to listen as much as you talk, and care about them as much as you’re asking them to care about you. When you open yourself up to people, it gives you an opportunity to form new friendships that can help ease your loneliness.

Another great way to form connections this season is to stop waiting to be invited. Who says you have to wait for someone to invite you someplace? Instead, why not plan an activity or two and extend invitations to people you already know, or those you want to get to know a little better? Remember, chances are you’re not the only one who is feeling lonely this Christmas season. In fact, someone could be waiting for your call right now.

Jesus tells us to love each other the way He loved us. And I for one, am going to stop focusing on my own pain this year and try to be a blessing to someone else.

Father, I pray that those who are feeling lonely right now will feel the comfort You want to give them. Please reach out to them in a way that is unmistakably You. Show them they are loved, cherished, and that the plans You have for their lives are beautiful beyond their wildest dreams.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Remember, if you want to talk or ask for prayer, you can always reach out to me via the Contact Me page and I’ll answer you right away!

I pray His best for you,

April

We know we’re supposed to not only love one another, but everyone else as well. And while most everyone believes it, sometimes knowing how to put it into practice isn’t easy. I mean, how do we apply that commandment to our everyday lives?

After all, how do you love someone who has hurt you or deliberately deceived you? Does God really
mean for us to love everyone? Even them?

Yep, He does.  

And this past Sunday, my pastor made the point in a thought provoking way. He talked about the story of Joseph and Mary through Joseph’s eyes, and by the end of the service, I knew I needed to write about it.  

Here’s what he said.

At the time of Joseph and Mary’s betrothal, the law said if a woman was unfaithful to her betrothed, a man could do one of three things. He could have her put to death for her sin, he could bring her to the front gate and have her publicly shamed while divorcing her, or, he could quietly go about a divorce so she wouldn’t be shamed and humiliated. A betrothal was binding and the only way out of it was through death or divorce.

When Joseph discovered that Mary was pregnant, he naturally assumed she had been unfaithful to him, and he was certainly well aware of the three choices he had to remedy the situation. But let’s not forget to look at Joseph’s heart. He loved Mary enough to take her for his wife, and he certainly must have felt the sharp pain of betrayal. And that combined with the humiliation of people knowing she was with child before they had consummated their marriage must have been a difficult thing for him to bear.

In many people’s eyes, it would have been perfectly reasonable for Joseph to hurt Mary like she hurt him. He could have asked that she be put to death, or at least humiliated her for her apparent sin. Surely God would understand if Joseph didn’t practice love in this situation.

But that’s not what Joseph did.

And that brings us to what love looks like in the eyes of God.

Joseph chose to quietly divorce Mary, even though she had apparently betrayed him. He wouldn’t humiliate her or do her harm in any way. She would be able to go away during her pregnancy, and then start life over without her reputation being tarnished. It was an act of unselfishness on Joseph’s part, and I wonder how many men of that time would have chosen the same path.

But it gets even better.

According to prophecy, the woman who would carry the Christ Child had to be a virgin. That means God knew she would likely be ridiculed or scorned by others when she claimed she was carrying the Son of God. That would create a difficult situation for any man in the young girl’s life. God knew the situation would require love.

My pastor suggested something next that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about.

Maybe He chose Mary to be the Mother of God in part because of Joseph.

Maybe God searched the earth for a man who would act in love, putting the woman’s life ahead of his own. Maybe when He talks about love, this is what He means.

Could Joseph be one of the greatest examples of selfless love in the Bible?

Of course, we all know how the story ends. Joseph was visited by an angel who told him it was okay for him to take Mary as his wife because she was telling the truth. And Joseph did just that, and Jesus was born into the family.

But let’s not forget that when Joseph made that decision of love, he did it before the angel reassured him of Mary’s faithfulness. He acted in love despite the fact that he thought he had been betrayed and hurt by Mary.

And that’s what I’ll remember as I go about my walk with God.

If God chose Joseph based on this kind of heart, this type of selfless love, then isn't that what we should all strive to achieve in our own lives?

What about you? Do you struggle to love those who hurt or betray you? Do you believe God used Joseph’s kind of love to give grace and comfort to Mary? How will this revelation affect you in your life?